Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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