I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
