Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
