well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
