Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
