i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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