whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
