Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
