I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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