did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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