went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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