Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
