I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
