I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
