i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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