Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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