We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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