mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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