you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
