I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
