yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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