I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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