That's when you crack a 10am beer
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
