I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
