This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
