he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
