i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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