Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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