i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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