if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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