He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
