Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
