at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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