I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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