NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
