Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I love you. Go after that dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
