She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
