new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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