The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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