Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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