I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
