I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
