after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
