I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
