Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
