I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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