cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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