went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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