You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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