I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
