Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
