Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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