What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
