And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Are we still banned from the library?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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