She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize