I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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