I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
