i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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