All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
