I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's the barista slut.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
