So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
