...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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