physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
