I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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