I think im going to throw up on grandma
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
