the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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