Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
