a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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