let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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